Tuesday, November 17, 2009

10 Things to Tell Your Best Friend Who Wants to Have an Affair with a Married Man

For my friend Paula who is going through this...
Note to people who crave affairs: You can either seek counseling, or refocus that desire back onto your spouse. Another solution would be to have an open relationship with your partner. Love and passion Can be rekindled between spouses. It is totally natural to desire love and passion. The key is to be responsible and honest.

10 Things to Tell Your Best Friend Who Wants to Have an Affair with a Married Man
August 01, 2007 by Dina Hollerbach

Link to full article: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/331148/10_things_to_tell_your_best_friend_pg3_pg3.html?cat=41

Here are 10 things to tell your best friend when she's going to cheat with a married man.
1. He's Not a Man of His Word
If he has made the biggest promise of his life, marriage, and has already broken that promise by means of infidelity, what makes you think that he won't break promises to you? And remember, promises can be major and in real life, aren't just about picking up a loaf of bread at the store or mowing the lawn.

2. Marriage Is For Better Or For Worse, and He Takes Off When the Going Gets Tough
While many may believe that divorce is perfectly acceptable (and I do depending upon the situation), think of it this way: If this is how this man acts in times that aren't so good (and remember, all marriages have their ups and downs), do you really want him? Really, he is finding the easy way out in the arms of another woman instead of working out the problems with the one he's got. I don't care how much "he's just not in love" with his wife. He should still wait before the divorce is finalized and then some before moving on. It is the right thing to do and is not fair to his wife otherwise.

3. He Could Be and Is Very Likely Fabricating
Remember, if he cannot uphold the promises that a marriage entails, how do you really know what kind of character he is? It takes several months and even years to really know someone, and all this man is showing you is his good side first and what he wants you to see. Do you really want to invest your precious love, time, and energy into someone who has already invested all of this and more in someone else and is taken?

4. He Is Probably Still Sleeping With His Wife
Regardless of how bad he says his marriage is, it is extremely likely that they are still having sexual relations, and that his wife has no idea that there is even anything wrong with their marriage. There is no way for him to prove to you that he is not still sleeping with his wife, and it is just much safer to assume that he is and stay far, far away. How do you know that he isn't just bored with his sex life and is looking for some on-the-side action to spice up his life?

5. There is Not a Good Chance He Will Leave His Wife, and Especially Not For You
No offense, but the statistics speak for themselves. In a study done by Jan Halper, only 3% of men in successful career positions out of 4,100 surveyed actually went through with divorcing their wife for their lover. Other statistics based on studies cite the figure at 1%. Not only that, but there is a 75% divorce rate for those who have left their marriage for their lover, and then married their lover.

6. You Can Become Part of the Divorce
So what, you love him, right? Wrong. If his wife finds out about you, you can be subpoenaed to court. Some judges do care about adultery depending upon the state, and property settlements and spousal support can be greatly affected by the knowledge of adultery.

7. How Do You Know He Isn't Carrying An STD?
How likely is it that a married man is going to accompany you to the doctor to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases? How do you know affairs aren't commonplace for him? Although we all love to feel like we are special and different, we have to accept that we just may not be.

8. Are You Sure He Doesn't Have Kids?
While he may not have kids with his current wife, how do you know that he doesn't have children in other places? Children, who are vulnerable and have the great potential for being hurt and confused must be factored into the situation and thought of.

9. Would You Be Able To Go On?
What if, after spending many months to many years with a married man, he never actually did go through with the divorce? Or, what if he manipulated you just to get you into bed and now has no interest in you? Would you be able to go on with your life like normal? Like nothing ever happened? Additionally, do you want that kind of drama in your life?

10. You Will Always Be a Secret
While he is still married, you will always be hidden from the people, places, and events that matter the most. What if it is his birthday? You can't expect to spend the day with him, as his wife and family will always come first. Better yet, what if it is your birthday, and he can't even call you because his wife is on his case? Wouldn't you like to be introduced to his parents, his best friends, his co-workers, his dog? It won't happen, as long as he is married.
Love yourself. You are worth more, and deserve a real man who knows so. Don't sacrifice your self-esteem, self-love, and self worth. Never, ever have an affair with a married man.

*This article is dedicated to my best friend Jenny, who has had the strength to recover from a heart-wrenching affair with a married man, and who is now happy, successful, and drama-free.

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